Dear Horror Movies, This Relationship is Over

Dear Horror Movies:

When I was introduced to you many years ago it was love at first sight. You immediately made my emotions scream like they never had before. For those first few years, you were there for me during every moment of my life, even if it was just as a faint whisper in my mind. You were in my head and I couldn’t get you out, and I didn’t want to. Those were great years, but I have to admit, I haven’t felt that way in a long time. That is why I’m writing you this letter.

It’s time we go our separate ways.

It’s not you.

It’s me.

Don’t get me wrong, the years we spent together were fun, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, but I can’t go on living this lie. It’s not fair to you.

I will never forget the many nights we spent together, just me and you, playing mind games with each other until the sun came up. it was during these nights that you introduced me to humanity, and showed me the cruelty it was capable of inflicting from the safety of my recliner.

You screamed for me.

You bled for me.

You came back from the dead for me.

Most importantly though, you opened my eyes to the horrors of life itself, and taught me that survival is often a difficult struggle. I thank you for those lessons.

You gave me everything you had in you, but it just isn’t enough any more.

Every time we get together it’s the same old thing. I know when you’re going to sneak up behind me and make a loud noise; when you are going to get violent and ugly; and who is going to make things right at the end of the night.I now see through the illusions and psychological games you have hidden behind all these years.

We’ve been in this rut for more than a decade, but I’ve been struggling to come to grips with it. I’ve continued telling myself that I still love you as much as I did when we first met, even though my heart has been telling me otherwise.

I hate to tell you this in a letter rather than face to face, but for the past few years, I’ve been spending more and more of my nights with the likes of comedy and action. While you sometimes brought those elements into our nights together, you’re halfhearted attempts have almost always failed to truly satisfy me. It’s true we’ve had some good nights, like the ones we spent with Herschell Gordon Lewis and Sam Raimi, but let’s be realistic here, being funny isn’t your greatest strength.


I honestly don’t remember the last time I’ve yearned for the type of affection you are capable of giving. My tastes have just grown more complex than what you can offer. At this point in my life I’ve simply lived through enough real-life horror, that getting a break from you is a relief from my real-world stress. You aren’t capable of doing that for me anymore.

I thank you for your companionship all these years, and I will never forget you. There might even be times when we might get together for dinner every now and then, but don’t expect those times to come on a regular basis.

It’s time for both of us to move on. You go your way, and I’ll go mine.

May your journey be darker and bloodier than ever, and may those attributes bring you more lovers than ever. While I might be going forward on a much quieter, calmer path with more smiles than gasps, I will forever be hoping you find continued success.

Best wishes to you and yours,


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