A Baker’s Dozen of the Best Kids in the Hall Sketches, According to Us

Near god-like status has been bestowed upon the Kids in the Hall in the Acid Pop Cult universe, so we thought it was about time to put together a list of some of our favorite sketches to share with you, the loyal listener/reader. Okay, that might have been the stupidest opening to a blog post ever conceived, but I’m not ashamed of it one bit because I get giddy when I get corny, and that loyalty line is corny as hell.

But what is there to say about the Kids in the Hall that hasn’t been said already by someone much more respected than me, or anyone else at APC? Not much. So we’re not going to lay on the platitudes here.

It was difficult, however, to narrow down a list into something short, rather than being the 50 clip behemoth this could have easily turned into. One way we trimmed the list is by setting aside the monologues for a future post of their own. That helped considerably.

I noticed one thing after whittling the list down to a manageable size,, and that is the frequency of sketches featuring just Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald. There is a sketch featuring all of the Kids on the list, but there are a whopping five sketches focusing on just Dave and Kevin. That was surprising, quite honestly.

1. Daddy Drank

Yeah, growing up in the home of an alcoholic who is filled with more bitter than his whiskey sour. Kevin McDonald has said this sketch is somewhat autobiographical, which explains why he ended up being a comedian if you buy into the whole pain-equals-comedy theory.

2. Running Faggot

Running free, running free, running faggot…

The first time I saw this sketch, my immediate thought was, “What the hell?” Yet, this What the Hell sketch is pure brain-worm material. The song will dig in and stick there for life. It did for me. It’s also a nice commentary on the persecution of homosexuals, which is one of those educational side effects of watching a lot of Kids in the Hall thanks to Scott Thompson’s presence in the troupe.

3. Ham of Truth

A holiday where ham is served cannot pass without this sketch popping into my head. Every Easter since I first saw it, I’ve wanted to tell my grandmother how fucking good the ham is, but I never actually did before she died. She did make some fucking good ham though. I didn’t have the rebellious nature Ed Bob exhibits here. The best I could usually muster was just the compliment of, “Fine ham abounds.”

4. Citizen Kane

At some point, we’ve all tried to describe a movie over lunch to a friend or coworker, but we couldn’t remember the title. No matter what suggestions are made by the other person, we just refuse to admit they are right. it’s a curse among those of us buried so deep in modern pop-culture our knowledge base is supported on a pedestal of arrogance.

5. Clem’s Hair

The kids in Clem’s hometown love nothing more than piling into the barbershop when it’s time for his haircuts because Clem is a gifted storyteller. Whether it’s a story about giant catfish, or one about Three Thumb Jake, the man who witnessed aliens unloading crates of Bigfoots. Others try to match his skill when sitting in the barber chair, but stories about eel monkeys with big bullom heads, whatever the hell a bullom head is, just don’t live up to Clem’s tall tales.

6. Kathi With The Blues Guy (Mississippi Gary)

Mississippi Gary might have inadvertently appeared in more sketches than just about any other Kids in the Hall character, if you consider a photo pinned to the cubicle wall as appearing in a sketch. In the secretaries sketches featuring Kathi with a K and Cathy with a C, Mississippi Gary is always on the Kathi with a K’s cubicle wall, and in this sketch we learn why. Apparently Kathi with a K is a mean mistreatin’, swamp witch, of a bitch.

7. The Dr. Seuss Bible

In a sketch running slightly more than two and half minutes, The Kids in the Hall managed to skewer the entire Christian religion by telling the story of Christ in Dr. Seuss style. It’s one of the most abstract Kids in the Hall sketches, ranking up there with the Sausages sketch, and the fact that it’s about Jesus just makes it that much better. For the record, it’s not the only time the Kids tackled the topic of Jesus.

8. Not Fat

Dave Foley is one of the best at playing the asshole. In Not Fat, he is yet again an over-the-top asshole who emotionally beats down an unsuspecting hitchhiker with insults about his weight. I think deep down we all hate fat people. Even fat people are prone to hating themselves.

9. McGuillicutty and Green

Abbott and Costello made the Who’s on First bit famous, and a thousand wannabe Vaudevillians since then have ripped off the bit. It takes a special person to be able to do it and do it right. Green isn’t one of those guys. One great thing about this clip is we learn a little bit about history, in that James Watt invented the steam engine.

10. Girl Drink Drunk

Dave Foley gets promoted and is introduced to booze by his boss, who insists he at least have a “girl drink” while they are out celebrating the promotion. This sets Foley into a tailspin with fruit wedges, umbrellas, and syrupy drinks at every turn. I still can’t drink something fruity without making a Girl Drink Drunk comment.

11. Nobody Likes Us (Hey, Get Off My Back)

There were a handful of recurring characters on the Kids in the Hall, and two of the most memorable were the dynamic duo of depression, who were always complaining that no one likes them. In this sketch, the guys are denied a loan at the bank, and take it a little too personally.

12. Hockey Game Pick-up (Gay Vampire)

This one is a personal favorite because I’ve experienced something like it in my real life, without the vampire thing of course. What guy hasn’t just been casually hanging out with a guy, having a few beers, then all of the sudden, he turns the TV on, puts on a movie, and BAM, it’s gay porn?

13. Substitute Axe

So what do you do when you’re an axe murderer in the midst of a bloody murder and the head of your axe flies off? You go to the neighbors and see if they have one you can borrow. We also learn from this sketch that no matter what you’re doing in life, you need to have integrity and ethics. If you’re an axe murderer, then don’t be shooting people with a pistol.

Of course, there are dozens of other sketches we wanted to work in, but you have to draw the line somewhere, and for today, that line is drawn at 13. Some time soon, we’ll compile a list of the best monologues.

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