#ReadAnFnBookFridays: ‘Psycho Proctologists —  Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata’ by W.W. Pecker

Hakuna Matata Audioibook Cover

It has taken a while, but I’ve finally gotten around to reading the second installment of the Psycho Proctologists trilogy. I wish I had a good excuse for taking almost two months to get around to it, but I don’t.

It certainly wasn’t because I dreaded reading it. The first book, Psycho Proctologists and the Flaming Buttholes of Doom, was a hell of a tale.

The team is back again in Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata, and they’ve once again got to battle demons to save the world from possessed body orifices, specifically, toothy vaginas hellbent on eating anything they can get their teeth on.

This one starts out with the proctological duo of Mikey and Fister babysitting Victoria’s son, the honey-badger-outfit-wearing, foul-mouthed, 13-year-old who serves as the brains of the crew, while she is allegedly out of town at a gynecologist’s convention. The guys weren’t supposed to just stay at home while she was away, and avoid fighting any demons until she got back.

Henry, however, got a lead about some local demon activity online, where his alter-ego, Morpheus, is viewed as the guru of demonology, and the trio couldn’t resist the urge to investigate.

The investigation took them straight to the local strip club, Jerry McTitties’ Gentelmen’s Club, where the activity was allegedly taking place. Mikey who is now equipped with a sixth sense for detecting demons after one spooged in his eye in the first book, could tell the lead was accurate, and there was a demon inside. It became clear this wasn’t a run-of-the-mill demon when he just couldn’t figure out who was serving as the it’s host, despite his special gift.

Then from one of those sleazy back rooms found at every strip club, a scream rang out, and chaos erupted. The demon revealed itself by biting the finger off of a horny patron who made the mistake of sticking it in a stripper’s honey pot before checking it for teeth.

That’s right.

Teeth.

Toothy vaginas are at the heart of this tale, as any astute reader should be able to surmise simply by reading the book’s title. The psycho proctologists pull together and do battle with a horde of chomping vaginas as only they can.

The story has explosions, chases, a fight reminiscent of something straight out of Return of the Jedi, golden showers, witches, Shakespeare quotes, and a handful of interesting strippers to boot. Good stuff.

Here is the YouTube promo video for Psycho Proctologists — Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata, where the author, W.W. Pecker reads an excerpt from the first chapter of the book.

The second book isn’t quite as long as the first one, and even it was fairly short in its own right. This doesn’t have a negative affect on the story though. If anything, the shortness of the books makes for a pleasantly quick read. I knocked this one out in less than two hours. I had trouble putting it down, which also makes it’s short length that much more appealing.

The Psycho Proctologists series is yet another one of those gems you can find on Amazon that didn’t go through the old-school process of publication. Yeah, there are a lot more shitty self/independently published books and ebooks on Amazon than there are good self/independently published books and ebooks on Amazon, but when you find a good one, it’s usually something so different than what you’ll pick up on the paperback shelf at Wal-Mart, and that is refreshing. That’s why I’m willing to take the gamble and pick up titles that look interesting like these did when I stumbled upon them. You don’t have to take a gamble though, as all three of the Psycho Proctologists books are Read A Fuckin’ Book Fridays Approved, and there isn’t a higher level of praise available in the publishing business.

You can pick up a paperback copy of Psycho Proctologists — Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata on Amazon for $5.99. A few weeks ago, there was a Kindle version available, which is what I bought, but that option appears to have vanished. If you, like me, are determined to get digital copies because your eyes suck and you need to be able to blow up the text to an embarrassingly large font size, don’t fret, you can buy all three books in one Kindle edition with A Psycho Proctologists Threesome for $3.99 (Cheap!).

I’ve already cheated and read ahead through the third book, Psycho Proctologists and the Urethrae of Annihilation, and we’ll have a short ReadAnFnBook post about it in the not-so-distant future. The plan is to tackle the John Waters book Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America for a future post too. I presume Psycho Proctologists author W.W. Pecker is of no relation to John Waters’ Pecker. I’m hoping he’s not connected to John Waters’ Pecker anyway. I would hate to find out these books were written by Edward Furlong. That kind of revelation could crash my entire perception of reality.

There is simply a lot of good shit out there to read right now. It’s a good time to be a book nerd. So why don’t you turn off the TV, the XBox, the iPhone, and other crap over the next few weeks, and take the time to read a fuckin’ book or something.

If you’re determined to browse the Internet instead, you can find more about the Psycho Proctologists on Facebook and the Psycho Proctologists Blog.

(Apologies if this post is sloppy as hell, I haven’t slept in days, and coffee is only capable of clearing out a small percentage of the sleepless fog consuming my brain right now.)

Here is the back cover of the book, if you want to see how a professional describes the plot of Psycho Proctologists –– Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata:

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#ReadAnFnBookFridays Returns: ‘I Never Met A Story I Didn’t Like’ by Todd Snider

Contrary to popular belief, I’m not dead, and neither is this feature. I just fell into one of those my-brain-is-pure-mush-right-now funks, and I had a real hard time breaking free from that groove. But what better way to make a return than with a book by Singer/Songwriter Todd Snider, a man who I unsuccessfully try to not mention so often on the Acid Pop Cult Podcast.

So without further delay… #ReadAnFnBookFridays

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Snider’s book I Never Met a Story I Didn’t Like: Mostly True Tall Tales, is his attempt to put into writing the stories he’s known for telling in between songs at his live shows. Many of the stories inspired songs, and that is dutifully noted in the book, complete with the inclusion of the lyrics of said song.

Sounds boring, right?

If it does, then you’ve probably never heard of Todd Snider and have no idea as to the kind of stories the man might tell.

Todd Snider has been traveling the country for more than 20 years, making songs up, and singing them for whoever will listen to them. Some of them are long, some of them are short, some of them are funny, some of them are sad, and he’s been known to talk for as many as 18 minutes in between those songs.

That is my horrific attempt at paraphrasing a disclaimer he frequently delivers at the top of every show. Generally, his songs are about societal misfits. People who live on the fringe. As his book reveals, he’s quite at home in the company of these weirdos.

In the book, he tells stories of meeting his idols, like Jerry Jeff Walker, Kris Kristofferson, John Prine and more. He also discloses a few things he learned from each of those people.

More interestingly though, he tells the story of the time he spent the morning with Slash of Guns n Roses in a hotel bar, the time Tony Bennett picked his pocket at an East Nashville car wash, and the time Bill Elliott came to one of his shows and proved to be a pure dick.

There’s also the tale of the time Jimmy Buffett angrily hurled fruit at him backstage at a concert. Buffett was a key player in getting Snider’s career started. His first few albums were released on Buffett’s record label.

One theme that appears in many of the stories is Snider’s favorite pastime of consuming illegal substances. There are good times and bad times associated with the drug stories in the book. He did meet his wife during a rehab stint, and he also happened to be in the same rehab facility Phil Hartman’s wife was in just days before she would shoot her husband. He has also nearly died a few times pursuing his pastime, and he covers all of it in the book.

Above all else, the book is a quick, entertaining read that doesn’t require an intimate knowledge of Snider’s music and career. He’s able to tell colorful stories in print in much the same way he’s known for doing it in his songs.

It’s worth checking out, so pick it up at Amazon, or some other place that still sells books, and give it a read then let me know what you think of it.

We should be back on schedule next week with another new one, but until then, why don’t you read a fucking book on your own or something.

Full disclosure, I’ve been a hardcore Snider fan since the mid-1990s, so my views might be a bit biased. Take it for what it’s worth.

Here’s a crappy video of him doing the intro I half-attempted earlier in this piece. Crappy video, but what do you expect when you troll around on YouTube for stuff?

 

#ReadAnFnBookFridays: Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You by Bradley Sands

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Rico Slade don’t take no shit from nobody.

Rico Slade won’t let anybody stand in the way of what he wants.

Rico Slade might be a lunatic.

Rico Slade might also be the result of an actor in the midst of a mental breakdown.

Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is a novella, or extra-long short story if you will, by Bradley Sands. This is the same Bradley Sands whose book TV Snorted My Brain was the subject of one of the first #ReadAnFnBookFridays posts way back in 2013. Rico Slade, like TV Snorted My Brain was a real hoot (Can you tell I watched the FX debut of Fargo recently?), and this book is no different.

Rico Slade rips out throats, chops people up with swords, and has no qualms about fighting off a swarm of cops when the situation calls for it. He is a man on a mission, and that mission is to thwart the evil plans of Baron Mayhem by any means necessary, and he will stop at nothing to accomplish that mission.

Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is full of neato violence, and moves along like a cockroach running from a sudden blast of incandescent hell. The book is reminiscent of those classic action flicks guys like Arnold, Chuck Norris, and Jean Claude Van Damme churned out during the 1980s, in that it doesn’t mess around with a lot of side plots, sub-plots, and deep philosophical pontificating.

Those similarities are not an accident.

Rico Slade is a movie action hero himself.

Rico Slade leads the readers on a journey, which leaves them wondering which parts of Rico’s life are real and which parts are just an self-created illusion. It does the same thing a good action movie does in that regard. “That gunshot wound looks so real. I can’t be real, though, can it?”

Like TV Snorted My Brain, Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is a good time. it is short, like I said, only 122 pages, according to it’s Amazon listing, but that doesn’t inhibit the story at all. You can read it in about the amount of time it would take to watch one or two of Rico’s blockbuster action films.

You can pick it up on Amazon, where it’s $7.95 for the paperback, or $4.99 for the Kindle edition. Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is published by Eraserhead Press.

I know you’ve seen plenty of classic action movies, so why don’t you take a break from the tv and the neighborhood movie theater this weekend, and do something different for a change, you know, like reading a fucking book or something.

#ReadAnFnBookFridays: ‘Cannibal Fat Camp’ by Mark C. Scioneaux & David C. Hayes

CANNIBAL FAT CAMP

I’m a fat guy, and I have been a fat guy for more than a decade now. Being a fat person comes with a lot more baggage than just the few extra pounds that is wedged here and hanging there. It not only wears you down physically, but unless you’re one of those delusional, “I love my fat self,” people, it also delivers one hell of a mental beating too. 

That’s where Miles Landish, the fat kid whom the story of Cannibal Fat Camp is built around, finds himself at the beginning of the story. Despite the mental misery it causes, he can’t help but to raid the lockers of the other rich kids at his private school looking for their lunches.

He’s a fat kid out of control, and he knows it. That’s why it tortures him.

His parents, who seem more concerned over how their peers view them as parents of the fat kid than their child’s well being, decide to send him to an exclusive island getaway, which just happens to double as a fat camp established by some former fatsos determined to fleece the wealthy for as much as they possibly can. (That’s how I see it anyway.)

Once he gets to the island, he finds a few fat kids willing to be his friends, and things look like they are going to be peachier than a cold can of peach Diet Rite when things go horribly wrong on the island.

What started as a fat camp run by Jillian Michaels types, devolves into a Lord of the Flies situation where the kids are left to fend for themselves. The once domestic pigs attending the camp, quickly become wild feral hogs, whose tusks become implements of pure, bloody destruction.

It doesn’t take much imagination where the madness leads when the title of the book is Cannibal Fat Camp.

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The book was written by Mark C. Scioneaux and David C. Hayes. I’ve included their author bios from Amazon at the end of this piece. Hayes, interestingly enough, worked on a film called The Frankenstein Syndrome with one-time guest on the Acid Pop Cult Podcast, Tiffany Shepis.

Scioneaux and Hayes aren’t afraid to walk the fine line between gratuitously gory descriptions, and the well-crafted descriptions one would expect from a pair of sickos addicted to putting little black squiggly things onto a white canvas in an effort to exorcise the voices in their heads.

It’s always good to read a book that turns out to be nothing like what was imagined when it was purchased. I presumed Cannibal Fat Camp would be something Troma-esque, but it was actually closer to being in the realm of Cannibal Holocaust than Redneck Zombies.

It’s good shit.

In fact, it’s more fun than drinking milk from a cup made from chocolate chip cookies.

Another great attribute of the book is the Garbage-Pail-Kids-style cover art by Joshua Werner.

The only issue I had with it was the fat kid’s description, in terms of height and weight, was too far off from my own, and the descriptions made him sound way fatter than I am. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I’ve been telling myself that over, and over, and over again. It’s given me a bit of a complex really.

You can get the Kindle edition of Cannibal Fat Camp for $2.99 right now on Amazon. It’s also available in paperback and audio.

So until you get your hands on a pair of sweat pants, a cookie cup, and a protective sleeve for your Kindle, why don’t you do something productive with your time, like reading a fucking book or something.

Author Bios borrowed from Amazon (Although we did sweeten them up with some links whenever possible)

Mark C. Scioneaux Photo borrowed from Werzombies Press

Mark C. Scioneaux Photo borrowed from Werzombies Press

Mark C. Scioneaux is the author of numerous short stories appearing in various anthologies by Blood Bound Books, Severed Press, Evil Jester Press, and others. He is also the coauthor of INSURGENT Z, and SLIPWAY GREY. HOLLOW SHELL: A ZOMBIE EPIC is an on-going serial of his that is available for download on Kindle. He is the founder of Horror for Good: A Charitable Anthology. Teaming up with Cutting Block Press, they will send all proceeds from book sales to amfAR, an international AIDS charity. It features some of the biggest names in horror and several stars on the rise. He is a member of the Horror Writers Association. He is a graduate of Louisiana State University and currently resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with his wife, Jessica. 

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David C. Hayes Photo borrowed from Trailx.com

David C. Hayes is an award-winning author, editor and filmmaker. Most recently, he has written stories for Dark Moon Books, Strangehouse Books, Evil Jester Press, Blood Bound Books and many more. His first collection, American Guignol, will be available in 2013 and he is a multiple genre anthology editor. He is the author of Muddled Mind: The Complete Works of Ed Wood Jr. and the upcoming Rottentail graphic novel as well as many screenplays, stage plays (his Dial P for Peanuts won an Ethingtony in 2011), articles and more. His films, like The Frankenstein Syndrome, Bloody Bloody Bible Camp, A Man Called Nereus, Dark Places and Back Woods, are available worldwide. He is the co-owner of Cinema Head Cheese (www.cinemaheadcheese.com), a geek culture website, and you can visit him online at www.davidchayes.com. David is a voting member of the Horror Writers Association and the Dramatists Guild. He likes creepy hugs and all kinds of cheese. David is a graduate of Michigan State University, National University, Grand Canyon University and Walden University. He lives in the wilderness of Michigan with his tolerant wife, Sandy.

Hamsterdamned! – This week’s #ReadAnFnBookFridays Book

Cover Art by Bill Hauser

Cover Art by Bill Hauser

Over the past few years I’ve finally managed to shake the book snobbery a college education can instill in a young person interested in literature, and I’ve learned to love quirky tales without a hint of pretension anywhere in them.

Thank goodness for that, otherwise I never would have read Hamsterdamned! by Adam Millard.

The story isn’t that complicated.

Some guys go to Amsterdam to have one final blowout rager in honor of the upcoming marriage, and pending transformation into adulthood and responsibility. While there having a good time, boozing, stripper-gazing and weed smoking, things go horribly wrong. A small gang of raging hamsters eat some bad space cake, grow to enormous size, and terrorize the town.

Upon seeing the

promotional material from StrangeHouse Books when the book was released a month ago, and realized what the story was about, I was immediately on board. The concept sounded brilliant, and cover art by Bill Hauser, which reminds me of the classic arcade game Rampage, only made the book that much more enticing.

Rampage World Tour (Photo from www.Gamespot.com)

Rampage World Tour (Photo from http://www.Gamespot.com)

There is no fluff, or bullshit in this book. The story moves ahead without pause, making it hard to put down. I read my first hunk of the book in the waiting room of a doctor’s office, but when I picked it up again later that day, I went straight through to the end.

Good shit.

It’s available on Amazon, and is priced at $2.99 for the Kindle edition and $6.99 for the paperback. I got the Kindle version, but I’m thinking about ordering the paperback just for the artwork.

Read an interview with author Adam Millard about the book at StrangeHouseBooks.com

This is the third or fourth StrangeHouse Books title we’ve covered this year. We highly recommend following them on Facebook to keep up with the newest releases.

Now that you’re finished reading/scanning/judging this post, why don’t you go read a fucking book or something.

A Special #ReadAnFnBookFridays With Charles Bukowski

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I tried reading a book for this week’s post, per usual, but ditched the idea when I realized the book I was trying to read sucked, and I don’t want to feature books that suck on #ReadAnFnBookFridays. I hate having to rip into someone else’s creative work just because I don’t care for it, especially when there are apparently others, according to some reviews I read, who think it’s great.

So I’m just skipping it, and moving on to Plan B.

Plan B is inspired by a recent episode of the WTF? Podcast with Marc Maron, in which he interviews comedian Duncan Trussell. The comedians’ conversation eventually gets to a discussion about a Charles Bukowski poem called The Shoelace.

Bukowski, if you’re not familiar, was a notoriously drunken poet, novelist, who found fame in the 60s and 70s with his bleak views. Among his most popular work, is the story that became the film Barfly starring Mickey Rourke. He’s also well known for his book Post Office, which recounts his years of doing mind-numbing work for the USPS prior to devoting his life to writing and drinking full time.

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Bukowski’s The Shoelace is a poem explaining its the little things in life that ultimately get to us, and drive us all nuts. I was only introduced Bukowski during the past five or six years. The Shoelace was one of the first pieces I found I could connect with, but it certainly wasn’t the only one.

Wow. Right?

Bukowski’s notoriety as a drinker and misfit sometimes overshadows his work to the point where you’re often left wondering if I just found this stuff somewhere, and didn’t know anything about Bukowski, would I still even like it?

Ultimately, I think the answer for some is yes. And those few are the ones who are probably just as mentally askew as he was. The rest of us, would probably just pass a lot of it off as being scribblings of a madman. This makes documentaries about his life quite interesting.

There are several documentaries on YouTube to check out, including The Bukowski Tapes, nearly four hours of seemingly just about every interview ever filmed, but this one is far shorter, and hits all the same highlights.

And of course, as a pop culture icon of sorts, there are plenty of Bukowski spoofs out there, the best of which in recent years is Bill Cosby Bukowski, an artistic mashup by comedian Jon Daly, known for writing stunning Jelloems.

Here he is on the Comedy Death Ray Podcast, which eventually became Comedy Bang Bang,  alongside Scott Aukerman and Nick Swardson. Here he reads the poem, “I Wish I had Titties” and “Who is the Most Fuckable Huxtable” I think this is the first appearance of Bill Cosby Bukowski I ever heard.

Next week, I know I have a good book lined up, because I started it last night and can’t wait to get back into it and finish it off. I’m not going to reveal the title yet, but it is a book about weed-crazy hamsters in Amsterdam. Until then, why don’t you read a fucking book or something.

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#ReadAnFnBookFridays: The Importance of Being Ernest: The Life of Jim Varney (The Stuff Vern Doesn’t Even Know)

Jim Varney was consumed by the desire to perform, and over time he proved to everyone he was damn good at it. He could have done anything, and did in his early days, but he eventually became the integral part of a marketing machine that not only made him a wealthy man, but made his face one of the most identifiable in show business for many years.

For many actors, this might sound like a dream come true, but when you are a multi-talented performer, who is trapped in a part that is a cultural sensation like Varney’s Ernest P. Worrell character, it can be a blessing and a curse.

Varney’s nephew, Justin Lloyd, explores this conundrum faced by his uncle, in the book, The Importance of Being Ernest: The Life of Jim Varney (The Stuff Vern Doesn’t Even Know). LLoyd’s familial connections opened the door for him to get to the heart of the real Jim Varney, which is something very few were seemingly able to do.

The book begins before Jim does, with a peek into his family’s origins in West Virginia and Kentucky, and then follows Jim as he struggled to find his way as a performer before Ernest was ever conceived. Then it covers his big break, the massive wave of popularity it started, and Jim’s sudden crash right when he was finally starting the get the roles he’d wanted throughout his entire career.

Justin Lloyd paints the picture of a man without pretentions, who was humble, and loyal to a fault. He also shows us Jim’s battles with depression, alcoholism, and relationships. These are the kinds of things he was able to put out of his mind while harassing his neighbor Vern during commercial shoots, or mugging into the camera with his jaw moving like a swinging bridge in a wind storm and saying, “Eeeeewwww.”

The following is what I took away from reading Jim Varney’s life story, so you can stop reading now, and just go buy the book and read it yourself if you want, and avoid my blatherings altogether. You can find links to the book and associated social media channels at the bottom of the page. Fair warning.

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From Ernest Goes to Jail.

While I love Ernest, and appreciate the fact there are so many movies, thousands of commercials, and a tv show, I also wish Varney would have gotten the opportunities to take off the Ernest costume and play roles beyond the physical comedy he was known for, even though I know that opportunity would have probably been the death of the character, and I wouldn’t have nearly as much Ernest footage to watch today.

Even though I grew up watching Ernest, I didn’t know his real name until I was an adult. He was always just Ernest to me. I never imagined he could do, or be, anything else. In that respect, I, like everyone else, was guilty of putting Jim Varney into a cage, and then standing outside the bars watching intently to see what he would do next. While Jim Varney played a character, who some might consider to be the equivalent of a dumb animal at the zoo, he was most certainly not dumb. He knew he was in a cage, and he wanted the opportunity to get out and walk around for a while. He just couldn’t reach the keys so he could unlock the door.

I have had jobs where I was so good at specific aspects of it, I believed I would never be promoted to a higher position because I was so much better at it than anyone who had the job before ever dreamed of being, that promoting me to another position would be detrimental to the company. It was the kind of situation that made want to bang my head against the wall after a while, and it was a job I didn’t even really like all that well to begin with.

I eventually just quit and walked away. It took the better part of five years to eventually find a gig making the same amount of money I left behind.

Jim Varney lived in that kind of job for almost his entire career. Even though he made millions, and that’s not speculation, it’s in the book, I can only imagine he felt the same way I did, but walking away from that kind of financial security is much harder than leaving the average job.

I had a lot of respect for Jim Varney when I started reading the book, but now that I’ve finished it, I’ve got even more respect for the man.

It wasn’t easy being Ernest.

Until the next #ReadAnFnBookFridays post comes around why don’t you turn off the TV, the computer, and the phone for a while, and read a fucking book or something. Know what I mean?

Right now on Amazon, The Importance of Being Ernest: The Life of Actor Jim Varney (The Stuff Vern Doesn’t Even Know), is available for Kindle ($7.99) or paperback ($10.40).

You can also find The Importance of Being Ernest on  Facebook and on Twitter @JimVarneyBook

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#ReadAnFnBookFridays: Vampire Guts in Nuke Town by Kevin Strange

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Ok, so I’ve been in a bit of a rut when it comes to reading, but it’s a rut I’m enjoying, so what am I gonna do about it, huh? Over the past few weeks, I’ve read several titles from Strangehouse Books, and I’m back with another one this week.

This time, it’s Kevin Strange’s book Vampire Guts in Nuke Town.

You’re probably thinking the same thing I thought when I saw the title.

“Oh no, not another vampire book.”

I almost didn’t buy it because of the vampire factor.

Vampires and zombies are two subjects I have little patience for these days. I’ve been suffering from undead overload for a long time now.

There were three things that swayed my opinion.

It didn’t look like the usual vampire novel.

There were no super-sexy vampires on the cover.

The slimy, tentacle-laden artwork on the cover of the book was anything but sexy, thanks to some great illustration work by Gabriel Wyse.

Then there was the element of it being set in a post-nuclear disaster world where all the rules have been changed was another draw to this title. Yeah, it’s been done before too, but this sounded different, and it lived up to my expectations.

Finally, the thing that convinced me to take a chance on it was the enjoyment i found in other Strangehouse Books i’ve read recently, those being  Alien Smut Peddlers from the Future by Kent Hill and McHumans by Vampire Guts author Kevin Strange

Kevin Strange

Kevin Strange can be found on Twitter @KevinTheStrange

Rather than me fumbling through a plot description, here’s what it says on Amazon about Vampire Guts in Nuke Town:

Guts is a bad motherfucker in a bad, bad world. The government nuked the sky ten years ago to combat a super fast spreading virus that turns humans into blood thirsty, ravenous killing machines that look more like giant, mutated bats than people. The new sky kills these “vampires” instantly, but at a cost. The entire planet is slammed with mega-high doses of radiation every time the sun comes up, completely changing life on earth as we know it, and completely decimating what little civilization there is left.

In Nuke Town, Guts wakes up in a strange motel with no memory of how he got there. A brother and sister duo are the only two humans in sight, but are they friend or foe? As the paranoia sets in, and Guts begins to understand the true implications of a nest of sophisticated, mutated vampires, he must use all the cunning and skills that his years in the wasteland have taught him if he hopes to survive the horror that awaits him in … VAMPIRE GUTS IN NUKETOWN!

Guts’s wife and children were taken out by ‘The Infestation’ of vampirism courtesy of the fallout that destroyed the planet. Now he’s just a bitter man looking to put a stop to the madness.

Guts is one of those badass characters who doesn’t allow any obstacle to stand in the way of his goal. He goes straight to the heart of this vampire thing and learns the dirty little secret behind it. He also learns how they just continue to keep coming out in seemingly larger numbers as time goes by. Guts also has a few secrets of his own that make him one of the best-qualified on the planet to put an end to this mess.

There are a lot of neat little characters and mutants in Vampire Guts in Nuke Town, that make it an original tale that kept me interested despite my lack of enthusiasm about vampire stories. I’m glad I gave it a chance, because it didn’t take long for me to realize it wasn’t the typical vampire story.

These vampires weren’t exactly the run-of-the-mill, supermarket-fiction vampires that dominate the genre. These fangers were more or less a new species of bloodsucking mutant incapable of surviving underneath the radiated sky during daylight hours. These vampires were different enough to make me forget my biases.

Then there is the issue of Pogs. These portly pests scavenge the land, but do so at their own risk because their blood is highly sought after for its psychoactive properties. Their blood dope is also quite addictive, as Guts finds out in his encounter with a couple of junkies who try to con him.

This book sat in my Kindle library for several months before I finally decided to read it. As I said, even after buying it, the word vampire kept me from jumping in with enthusiasm.

It turns out that was a mistake on my part. I liked Vampire Guts in Nuke Town much better than I did the previous Kevin Strange book I read, McHumans. That’s not a knock against McHumans either.

I don’t know whether it’s me or the material, but the characters in Vampire Guts in Nuke Town resonated more with me than the ones in McHumans. I was so into Guts’s journey, I had a hard time putting it down. That wasn’t the case with McHumans. It’s probably just me.

Whatever the case, just check it out some time, or take a look at some other Strangehouse Books titles. They haven’t disappointed yet.

You can get the Vampire Guts in Nuke Town Kindle Edition on Amazon for $2.99, or a paperback copy for just $9.98.

In the meantime, though, why don’t you make it a point to read a fucking book or something.

Follow the author on Twitter @KevinTheStrange

Strangehouse Books on Facebook

The Strangehouse Books Website

Cover illustration by Gabriel Wyse

#ReadAnFnBookFridays: ‘The Dick’ by Jimmy Pudge

the Dick

One thing we all need to remember is just because the digital version of a book doesn’t cost $7.99 or more, doesn’t mean it sucks. All that usually means is it’s either a writer who doesn’t have the support of maga-publisher behind them, unless it’s a promotional sale, or it could be a self-published work by an author who is just doing whatever he can to find an audience.

Unfortunately, it’s almost a necessity or most self-publishers to offer their works at low prices to lower the consumer’s anxieties about spending money on what is likely to be an unknown commodity. The problem with this is there are plenty of wannabe writers in this self-publishing scenario who don’t have friends brave enough to tell them they should spend a little more time with a project before putting it out there for the world to see.

Jimmy Pudge

Jimmy Pudge

These writers are the bane to the existence of authors like Jimmy Pudge, author of this week’s book The Dick and a previous week’s book Kitty’s Revenge. Pudge, who self-published The Dick via CreateSpace, actually tells interesting stories, and he tells them well.

That’s what I’ve determined after reading two of his books.

The Dick is about an aging, former porn star named Jonny Sausage, who while searching for a new identity in his post-porn career decides to become a private investigator.

When sausage was laying pipe for a living, he was the equivalent of John Holmes, Ron Jeremy, Lexington Steele, or even the fictitious Dirk Diggler. His piece might be considered a weapon by some, and he ain’t afraid to use it.

His PI work eventually gets him involved with a vampire whose family members keep moving on to a new stage of dead. His investigation subsequently drags him into other social situations where his previous life both works for him and against him. It also leads him into a situation where he has to deal with a girl who was important to him in his youth.

Is this one of those stories that has a dozen layers of plot and sub-plot, that makes some kind of statement about the human condition, or offers some insight into culture and philosophy? Hell no. What it is, though, is a quick, entertaining read, that never really lulls and keeps propelling the reader forward.

I want to say more about it, because there are some story elements that funny and surprising, but I don’t want to blow its load before The Dick has a chance to do it on its own.

What I can do, is pretty much assure you there will be another Jimmy Pudge sighting on future editions of Read a Fuckin’ Book Fridays.

In the meantime, though, why don’t you go read a fucking book or something.

#ReadAnFnBookFridays: ‘Apeshit’ by Carlton Mellick III


Title: Apeshit

Author: Carlton Mellick III

Publisher: Eraserhead Press

At its core, Apeshit is the typical teenagers-head-into-the-woods-for-debauchery-then-it-all-goes-to-hell horor story. What sets it apart from the run-of-the-mill horror schlock are the imaginative touches bizarro author Carlton Mellick III uses to color in that framework.

In his introduction to the story, Mellick says Apeshit is not like any other book he’s written, and he was even hesitant to publish it. He was right about it not being like other books he’s written, and he was also right to go against the voices in his head telling him to bury it. 

It was his intention to write a story akin to classic cult horror films. It seems it was also his intention to turn the knob on that genre all the way up to 11. 

Carlton Mellick III (Photo from BizarroCentral.com)

Carlton Mellick III (Photo from BizarroCentral.com)

The crew of kids aren’t the typical preppie teens featured in the movies that inspired Apeshit, even though they are three football players and three cheerleaders. For example, two of the guys and one of the girls are in a three-way relationship, where everybody pleases everybody if you know what I mean, and I think you do. There’s also a hyper-depressive, and a macho kind of character. One of the cheerleaders also sports a mohawk and enough tattoos to earn her a job at the state fair. 

Things get weird right from the start. On the way to their cabin in the woods, they encounter several disfigured animals, including a man so mangled he shouldn’t be alive. 

Once there, they crew not only have to deal with each other, they discover beasts in the woods who watch them and stalk them. 

Then there is the issue of things simply not dying, no matter what happens to them, even the main characters.

Also like the films that inspired the story, it’s filled with sex, intoxication, and the pursuit of self gratification among the main characters. 

Shit escalates from there. 

Like Mellick said in his introduction, it’s not quite like his other books. It’s a little more mainstream in its content when compared to something like Razor Wire Pubic Hair, or The Morbidly Obese Ninja, but it does remain twisted enough to stand out from the typical books of this style. 

It’s worth a read. You can get the Kindle edition at Amazon for $7.95 (for now at least), or the paperback for $10.95. 

Mellick has a ton of books out there, and I’ve yet to find one I’ve absolutely hated, so I recommend checking out his entire body of work. 

In the meantime, though, why don’t you just read a fucking book or something.