I May Have Conquered My Everest – Accepting ‘Reality’ Shows

The new medication the doc put me on is working small miracles already and it’s only been two weeks since I started taking it. It’s hard to tell where this psychological experiment will end, but for now, i believe it to be the reason I’ve finally gotten the reality television show bug out of my ass.

It happened when I was watching Moonshiners on Discovery last night. The realization of what I was actually seeing hit me and shattered my trance-like daze brought on by the sweet sounds of the southern accent when mangled around the lilt of a thick, neck-of-the-woods-specific dialect. I’m just drawn to the sound.

Moth.

Flame.

Yada yada yada.

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The moment of clarity snapped so hard inside my mind, my body shivered and my head wobbled on my neck for a split second. Then everything just made sense. The scowl on my face when I fell into the trance was gone, and suddenly the show was outrageously funny to me.

I know what you’re thinking.

“That sounds like a drug story to me.”

It isn’t. This was purely a case of accidental clarity of the mind.

I finally accepted the fact most of the ‘stars’ of these shows are just non-union actors who will stoop to any gimmick necessary to make a few bucks doing what he loves to do.  In this particular case they love  standing in front of the camera, playing pretend with friends, and talking about themselves for hours on end until they find the story that’s just right for this episode.

The plots of the ‘Reality’ shows on Discovery have gotten particularly bold the past few years.

The channel has served us multiple helpings of liquor-making hillbillies and Amish gangsters the past two years, and with each passing season the violence gets taken up a notch on each front.

Weapons are making more frequent appearances on Moonshiners and Amish Mafia, as have segments featuring characters committing acts of property damage by multiple other crimes. One example of this would be ta recent episode of Moonshiners where one group of hillbillies blew up a car belonging to another group of hillbillies who were getting too close to their turf.

If I’m in a mood to be particularly cooperative and social, I might consider overlooking the illegal moonshine making shown each week without it initiating a single legitimate investigative effort by at least one law enforcement agency, but when bullets start flying and cars get blown up, and no police investigate, I just have to call bullshit on it all.

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When I called bullshit last night, I realized my bullshit declaration was issued far too hastily. I also realized if I’m even buying into this enough to call bullshit at all is an indication I’m giving the show at least some mental analysis, which is more than I wanted to give to it. Yet I’ve somehow subliminally broken the elements of the show down bit by bit, and inside one of those bits I’ve found something that didn’t fit right, so walla, we get the, “I call bullshit.”

I’ve never watched cartoons and thought to myself, “That’s bullshit. He’d fall.”

That would be ridiculous. So why am I giving these reality shows more credibility and hold them to a higher standard than I would a good cartoon?

I know better. Or so that’s what i thought.

The fact the word ‘reality’ was ever allowed to describe these shows to an unsuspecting viewing audience, is a little rage inducing. I hate seeing concrete terms like reality, as described in the countless philosophy books written about it, twisted and manipulated into a marketing tool.

The reality of these shows is it’s much cheaper to put reality stars in dramatic situations and lead them to the appropriate conclusion by using the right bait, than it is to pay a real actor to pretend doing it and still have to deal with the union on top of it all.

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Unions play a major role in the world of entertainment and some claim reality shows are just ways for producers to work around unions on technicalities, much the way some employers do by hiring ‘contractors’ to do work rather than incur the expense of hiring an employee to do the work. Expenses can be avoided when the need arises.

It’s been an issue for a while now, and still might one day be presented to the US Supreme Court for a ruling.

What we’re seeing billed as reality television right now is the equivalent of the b-movies tha fueled the business of independent theaters and drive ins in the 60s and 70s. This is the revival of exploitation filmmaking and it’s just taken me a decade to realize it.

I’m slow like that sometimes.

Once this clicked, things like knowing a film crew with mics, lights, and cameras, are following a guy who is trying to hide in the woods, and camera crews someone manage to ride with cops and bad guys, without ever being bullied into telling what they know by the cops, no longer bother me as badly as they once did.

Some of these shows are just the Dukes of Hazzard without guys like James Best, Ben Jones, John Schneider, and Tom Wopat, walking off the set because they believe they should make more money.

Reality show stars aren’t pretending to be believable actors and the producers and directors aren’t going out of their way to make it seem realistic, so why am I being such a dick about it? I’ve got the easiest job in this scenario. I just have to watch the cheaply produced, poorly written, b-grade entertainment, and laugh at it when something funny happens.

I’m over it now.

I now have one less hateful monkey digging its claws into my back and screaming in my ear when it gets agitated.

This is a major accomplishment. I might even journal about it later tonight when I’m sipping my nightly mug of hot cocoa while listening to Chopin on the hi-fi. it’ll be a welcome break from all the flower pressings I’ve been doing lately. If I see another Crysanthemum I’ll scream. I swear.

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Episode 52: Boobs, Batman, and Mila Kunis While Drinking the PPR Kool Aid

Episode 52: Boobs, Batman, and Mila Kunis While Drinking the PPR Kool Aid

 

 

This week the boys discuss how long you can look at a girls exposed boob meat before you’re deemed a creeper by the chick flaunting them off. They are suddenly joined for an epic crossover when  a couple of podcats celebrating their 100th episode jump on for an unexpected visit around the 17 minute mark. Seth Koozer will not want to miss this mash up of  epic proportions. After that the fun and games continue for Lee and Jeremy as they talk real life Bat(men), the under appreciated film “Defendor” with Woody Harrelson and Kat Dennings*, an adorable interview given by Mila Kunis while on her press junket tour through the UK for “Oz the Great and Powerful.” Finally we wrap things up with a month long spot APC will be doing titled March Madness. Original in concept, no, but over at APC we do things our way, and our way is law. During the month of March we’ll be discussing the things that drive us mad in Hollywood. Good and Bad. To kick it off, Jeremy brings up his hatred for the genre gag “cat scare”, but gives Rolfe Kanefsky props for not only saving the gag, but shedding some much needed light on the genre in general with his debut feature film “There’s Nothing Out There”. Check it out!

*Editors note: Jeremy loves him some Kat Dennings. His girlfriend has come to except this. Hi Danielle!

Episode 52: Boobs, Batman, and Mila Kunis While Drinking the PPR Kool Aid

Episode 51: Our Episode Names Are Longer Than (A My Chemical Romance Or Fall Out Boy Song Title)

Episode 51: Our Episode Names Are Longer Than (A My Chemical Romance Or Fall Out Boy Song Title)

This week Jeremy and Lee talk about everything from the Chicago Blackhawks to The Academy Awards. Lee recommends a couple of titles streaming right now on netflix. The boys get wet over old school Christian Slater and John Cusack flicks, comdians that apologize for being funny, and Reality Show the Film premiering at SXSW. Finally, Jeremy wraps up the month long Blaxploitation flick fest we’ve been having with one of his favorites 1995s, Vampire in Brooklyn. Check it out!

Episode 51: Our Episode Names Are Longer Than (A My Chemical Romance Or Fall Out Boy Song Title)

Episode 43: Two Perverts Walk Into A Podcast…

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Lee and Roxy get down to some dirty talk while Jeremy has his back turned. The erotic thriller “Crimes of Passion” and Dave’s Old Porn are topics of conversation. The duo also give Andrew “Dice” Clay some lip service. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good time.

Episode 43: Two Perverts Walk Into a Podcast…

Episode 42: Down with the Sickness

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Lee and Roxy chat among themselves as Jeremy is out with the flu. Among the topics of conversation are Saturday Night Live of the early 1980s, Danny Boyle’s film Shallow Grave, the retirement of Unknown Hinson, and MTV’s replacement of Jersey Shore, a little show filmed in Lee’s backyard called BuckWild. Lee and Roxy also hate on Wal Mart for a while.

Episode 42: Down with the Sickness

Acid Pop Cult Episode 41: Chainsaw Sally is in the House

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This week Jeremy L. Morrison, Roxy, and Lee Arnold, interview April Monique Burril aka Chainsaw Sally, and they also talk about Showtime’s Reality Show, the Original Django starring Franco Nero, Argo, Six Ways to Sunday, Django Unchained, Norman Reedus, Debbie Harry, JimmyO Burril, Debbie Rochon, Lynn Lowry, and more. It’s a good time. Trust us.

Episode 41: Chainsaw Sally is in the House

Episode 40: It’s The Final Parker!

This Thanksgiving episode is very special. Lee and J-Mo are joined by podcast GOD, Parker Bowman of Pool Party Radio and Junk Food Dinner. We talk remakes we’d like to see, what we don;t mind taking for granted, and a new(ish) segment called “Rapid Rants” that covers a handful of topics like Ariel Winter, Elmo, and more. ENJOY!

Episode 40: It’s The Final Parker!

Episode 39: Jim Van Bebber, Deadbeat at Dawn, Jenny Agutter, and Brown Eyes?

J-Mo’s Rants & Rambles focuses on the greatest actress to ever live, Jenny Agutter. We pull Jim Van Bebber’s cult classic “Deadbeat at Dawn” out for Roxy’s Rack Review. Then, Lee, Roxy, and J-Mo sit down with the cult director to discuss what he has in the works for “Gator Green,” his new film. J-Mo talks briefly about the reaction to Reality Show episode 1 & 2, and urges you all to tune in for episode 3, 11/15/12 on Showtime. Yes, our host is on a Showtime series…How has this not gotten us more traffic? Fuck off, internet.

Episode 39: Jim Van Bebber, Deadbeat at Dawn, Jenny Agutter, and Brown Eyes?

Episode 38: Part One w/ Roxy and Jeremy Shooting The Sh*t

 

Last week Jeremy and Roxy sat down to do a show with the intention of getting it up on Wednesday. It’s 6 days later and Jeremy just got done editing the show. Way to go, f*cktard. Roxy reviews William Asher’s Night Warning from 1982 and Jeremy rambles about the George Lucas sale.

Episode 38: Part One w/ Roxy and Jeremy Shooting The Sh*t 

Episode 37: Spooky Scary Halloween Edition (Not Really)

Episode 37 we are all over the place. Just look at the keywords if you don’t believe me.. One thing is for sure, Halloween isn’t over until you listen to this. Not really, but I’ve always wanted to use that stupid line.

Episode 37: Spooky Scary Halloween Edition (Not Really)