#ReadAnFnBookFridays: ‘Psycho Proctologists —  Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata’ by W.W. Pecker

Hakuna Matata Audioibook Cover

It has taken a while, but I’ve finally gotten around to reading the second installment of the Psycho Proctologists trilogy. I wish I had a good excuse for taking almost two months to get around to it, but I don’t.

It certainly wasn’t because I dreaded reading it. The first book, Psycho Proctologists and the Flaming Buttholes of Doom, was a hell of a tale.

The team is back again in Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata, and they’ve once again got to battle demons to save the world from possessed body orifices, specifically, toothy vaginas hellbent on eating anything they can get their teeth on.

This one starts out with the proctological duo of Mikey and Fister babysitting Victoria’s son, the honey-badger-outfit-wearing, foul-mouthed, 13-year-old who serves as the brains of the crew, while she is allegedly out of town at a gynecologist’s convention. The guys weren’t supposed to just stay at home while she was away, and avoid fighting any demons until she got back.

Henry, however, got a lead about some local demon activity online, where his alter-ego, Morpheus, is viewed as the guru of demonology, and the trio couldn’t resist the urge to investigate.

The investigation took them straight to the local strip club, Jerry McTitties’ Gentelmen’s Club, where the activity was allegedly taking place. Mikey who is now equipped with a sixth sense for detecting demons after one spooged in his eye in the first book, could tell the lead was accurate, and there was a demon inside. It became clear this wasn’t a run-of-the-mill demon when he just couldn’t figure out who was serving as the it’s host, despite his special gift.

Then from one of those sleazy back rooms found at every strip club, a scream rang out, and chaos erupted. The demon revealed itself by biting the finger off of a horny patron who made the mistake of sticking it in a stripper’s honey pot before checking it for teeth.

That’s right.

Teeth.

Toothy vaginas are at the heart of this tale, as any astute reader should be able to surmise simply by reading the book’s title. The psycho proctologists pull together and do battle with a horde of chomping vaginas as only they can.

The story has explosions, chases, a fight reminiscent of something straight out of Return of the Jedi, golden showers, witches, Shakespeare quotes, and a handful of interesting strippers to boot. Good stuff.

Here is the YouTube promo video for Psycho Proctologists — Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata, where the author, W.W. Pecker reads an excerpt from the first chapter of the book.

The second book isn’t quite as long as the first one, and even it was fairly short in its own right. This doesn’t have a negative affect on the story though. If anything, the shortness of the books makes for a pleasantly quick read. I knocked this one out in less than two hours. I had trouble putting it down, which also makes it’s short length that much more appealing.

The Psycho Proctologists series is yet another one of those gems you can find on Amazon that didn’t go through the old-school process of publication. Yeah, there are a lot more shitty self/independently published books and ebooks on Amazon than there are good self/independently published books and ebooks on Amazon, but when you find a good one, it’s usually something so different than what you’ll pick up on the paperback shelf at Wal-Mart, and that is refreshing. That’s why I’m willing to take the gamble and pick up titles that look interesting like these did when I stumbled upon them. You don’t have to take a gamble though, as all three of the Psycho Proctologists books are Read A Fuckin’ Book Fridays Approved, and there isn’t a higher level of praise available in the publishing business.

You can pick up a paperback copy of Psycho Proctologists — Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata on Amazon for $5.99. A few weeks ago, there was a Kindle version available, which is what I bought, but that option appears to have vanished. If you, like me, are determined to get digital copies because your eyes suck and you need to be able to blow up the text to an embarrassingly large font size, don’t fret, you can buy all three books in one Kindle edition with A Psycho Proctologists Threesome for $3.99 (Cheap!).

I’ve already cheated and read ahead through the third book, Psycho Proctologists and the Urethrae of Annihilation, and we’ll have a short ReadAnFnBook post about it in the not-so-distant future. The plan is to tackle the John Waters book Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America for a future post too. I presume Psycho Proctologists author W.W. Pecker is of no relation to John Waters’ Pecker. I’m hoping he’s not connected to John Waters’ Pecker anyway. I would hate to find out these books were written by Edward Furlong. That kind of revelation could crash my entire perception of reality.

There is simply a lot of good shit out there to read right now. It’s a good time to be a book nerd. So why don’t you turn off the TV, the XBox, the iPhone, and other crap over the next few weeks, and take the time to read a fuckin’ book or something.

If you’re determined to browse the Internet instead, you can find more about the Psycho Proctologists on Facebook and the Psycho Proctologists Blog.

(Apologies if this post is sloppy as hell, I haven’t slept in days, and coffee is only capable of clearing out a small percentage of the sleepless fog consuming my brain right now.)

Here is the back cover of the book, if you want to see how a professional describes the plot of Psycho Proctologists –– Hakuna Matada, Vagina Dentata:

71b0GN94ORL

#ReadAnFnBookFridays: Psycho Proctologists and the Flaming Buttholes of Doom, by W.W. Pecker

FlamingButtholesofDoom

Just as a good headline will get clicks on a blog post, whether it’s any good or not, the Psycho Proctologists and the Flaming Buttholes of Doom lured me in for a closer look when I was browsing on Amazon. Fortunately, this was one of those times where the product lived up to expectations the title inspired.

When I saw the title, I had no choice but to click on it.

Then I read the book description, and buying it was a no brainer for me.

Forget Fifty Shades of Gray, this book is fifty shades blacker than your a**hole . . .

Michael McLaren is Hollywood’s proctologist to the stars. In Tinseltown, there’s no shortage of famous people who need things discreetly removed from their sphincters—or who want things shoved up there. Either way, business is good.

But when he discovers that demons dwell in the darkest crevices of existence, he’s unwittingly initiated into a secret society of demon hunters:

The Psycho Proctologists.

The world may think they’re crazy, but they’re all that’s standing between you and the Armageddon.

Because when flaming buttholes threaten to doom humanity as we know it, who ya gonna call?

A butt doctor.

Here’s an audio trailer cut from the audio book. It’s the awesome first chapter featuring Kirk Cameron getting his ass probed, and loving every minute of it.

It’s another short read, as are most of the #ReadAnFnBookFridays books have been lately, but that only adds to its charm. It doesn’t go on and on about a bunch of shit nobody cares about. It sticks to the task at hand, and that task is two proctologists, a gynecologist, and a 13 year old, have to fight off demons who often use orifices as their command center.

It’s kind of like Ghostbusters meets the Exorcist, or something along those lines.

While I’ve found all of the #ReadAnFnBookFridays titles to be good stories, not all of them have been exceptionally well written. That’s not to say any of them have been poorly done. As anybody who reads books can corroborate, there are authors who are readable, and then there are authors who are good. I’m of the opinion, and as we all know, opinions themselves are like assholes, W.W. Pecker is pretty good at it. Admittedly, I’m neither a published author, nor am I a respected critic of literature, so my opinion doesn’t really mean dick. I did spend my college years pursuing an English degree with a concentration on writing, although my horrifically constructed posts on this website prove I wasn’t very good at it.

W.W. Pecker is the top-secret pen name of an award-winning author.
No, really. It wasn’t the Nobel Prize, or even the Pullitzer, but it was an award for writing, dammit. And no, it wasn’t his third grade teacher’s class prize, either. Geez. Cynical, much?When he’s not writing, he can usually be found watching porn on the internet.

At the end of Psycho Proctologists and the Flaming Buttholes of Doom, the author hints there could be more Psycho Proctologist books if there is enough interest, and apparently there was. Buttholes of Doom is book one of three to be published so far, four if you count the book that has all three stories in it, and it’s the kind of premise that could go on for as many new volumes Pecker finds the passion to write.

You can get Psycho Proctologists and the Flaming Buttholes of Doom on Amazon for Kindle for just $1.69, or paperback for $5.39.

You’ll see the other volumes here at some point in the future. They are queued up to be read after I finish Todd Snider’s book, I Never Met a Story i Didn’t Like, which will probably be next week’s title.

Until next week though, keep those orifices locked up tight, and try to forget about the demons that might lurk in there by reading a fucking book or something.

The other Psycho Proctologist books:

Hakuna Matata Audioibook Cover

Psycho Proctologists – Hakuna Matada: Vagina Dentata (Volume 2)

UrethraeofAnnihilation_

Psycho Proctologists and the Urethrae of Annihilation (Volume 3)

or you can get them all in one book:

Threesome_

A Psycho Proctologists Threesome (Psycho Proctologists Omnibus)